We have to get out of here...before they let loose...the marmosets!

For the best in unreal news inspired by The Onion and funnier than New York Times articles by Jayson Blair, turn to Sterfish’s Place News.

Police in New Zealand were called about a domestic disturbance just outside of the Shire, the leftover set from the Lord of The Rings trilogy now used as a tourist attraction. Police were shocked to find CGI creatures Gollum/Smeagol of Lord of The Rings and Dobby the House Elf of Harry Potter engaged in what looked to be a bitter fight. According to police reports, Gollum was disgusted to learn that Smeagol had cheated on him with Dobby. The two personalities then duked it out with each other until Dobby suddenly appeared. It took police several hours to subdue the creatures as they were enthralled by the fight, but horrified when Smeagol emerged and made out with Dobby. Several officers fell ill simply at the thought and were taken by helicopter to a hospital. The two creatures were left to their own devices when police decided that they did not get paid enough for this.

Time Warner has filed in federal court to challenge Donald Trump’s application to trademark his signature phrase “You’re fired!” from NBC’s The Apprentice. Time Warner sued on the grounds that Trump is not the originator of the phrase, as it is featured prominently in the classic Hanna-Barbera cartoon The Jetsons. “The phrase ‘You’re fired!’ became part of the national lexicon when shouted by Mr. Spacely to George Jetson on nearly every episode of this great series,” said a Time Warner spokesman. “As we get ready to release the first season onto DVD, we want to make sure we can release it without editing it because Donald Trump suddenly made ‘You’re fired!’ popular again.” Trump’s spokespeople had no comment about the case but reminded people to drink Trump Water, visit Trump Casinos, stay at Trump Hotels, eat Trump All-Natural Roasted Chestnuts, and to watch Trump’s hit TV show The Apprentice.

Anime fans around the USA were shocked and appalled by the announcement that Ninja Pirate Mobile Robot has been licensed for release by 2Fun4Kiddies Entertainment. The popular Japanese children’s show about a 12-year-old boy’s journey to become the best ninja pirate he can while piloting a large humanoid robot and searching for the Gem of Foreverness, has a large following among adult anime fans in the U.S. Fans are concerned about possible changes to the show. Among the rumored changes are Americanizing character names (“Shiro” becomes “Michael”), replacing the flawlessly beautiful Japanese music with cruddy synthesized American music, and editing out the violence prevalent in the show. Allen Furstington, a 42-year-old diehard fan of the show, has started an online petition that he hopes will convince 2Fun4Kiddies to leave the show as it is. “Ninja Pirate Mobile Robot is a great series that appeals to fans of all ages,” says Furstington. “Kids love the gory violence while us adults enjoy the fan fiction and doujinshi possibilities of the prepubescent characters that look like they are over the age of 18 and the adult characters who look like they are preteens. Adults also understand the complex plot that takes 250 episodes to adapt for every individual manga chapter.” At over 18,000 episodes and counting, Ninja Pirate Mobile Robot is the third longest anime series in history, surpassed only by Cat With Bowling Ball Hands and Little Boy Detective. 2Fun4Kiddies Entertainment has finally announced that they plan to release Ninja Pirate Mobile Robot in edited and unedited versions. But with plans to dub the show in-house and release it with only 12 episodes per volume, the company has brought on the wrath of anime fans once again.