Something’s Gotta Give When You Rundown Your Brother’s Bear With A Texas Chainsaw

This weekend we rented movies, so here’s my take on them.

-First up, Something’s Gotta Give. This is a surprisingly good movie, and probably the best of the movies I watched. Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton had good chemistry and the supporting cast (which included Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, and Amanda Peete) was also very good. The dialogue is witty, although we could’ve done without the brief nude scenes of both Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. The movie is a little long at 128 minutes and needed about a good 10 minutes or so chopped off it. But, it’s a fun, well-made romantic comedy that won’t be bore guys who happen to watch it.

-Next, is Brother Bear. To best describe this movie, I’m going to mention the rapper Fabolous. Why? Well, because in my opinion he’s mediocre. He’s not great, but not bad either. Brother Bear is the same way. The animation is gorgeous. It’s colorful and bright. The aspect ratio change in the movie (it goes from widescreen to even wider screen after the first 24 minutes) is silly. The story is okay, but it feels ripped off from Disney’s earlier movies in addition to Blue Sky’s Ice Age. The music basically sucked. I liked Phil Collins’ music in Tarzan. However, his music for Brother Bear proves that lightning doesn’t strike twice. Combine this with an ending (that I won’t spoil) that you hoped wouldn’t happen, and you get what amounts to an okay movie. This joins Treasure Planet as a gorgeous, mediocre Disney movie. I firmly believe that Disney can’t blame the poor box office of their 2D films on the animation...the story is the key. And if their upcoming 3D films have such lackluster stories as this movie does, then they are screwed.

-The next movie is The Rundown, one that is okay but in a good way. The Rock proves that he definitely deserves to be the next big action star. The story for this movie is slight (another people-go-to-the-jungle-to-find-a-priceless-artifact movie, but with some twists), but it’s fun. The fact that The Rock’s character hates guns makes for some interesting action sequences. At times, they are a little too Matrix-like, but they work. Seann William Scott is okay as The Rock’s sidekick. Then again, it seems like the only role that he really puts himself into is Stifler from the American Pie movies. Rosario Dawson continues her chameleon-like ability to play a person of any race. This time it’s Brazilian. I wonder how long it will be before she plays a white person (if she hasn’t already). Christopher Walken continues his ability to brighten up any movie he’s in. He was essentially the only really funny thing in Gigli (his scene was the movie’s best, period). His attempt to explain his situation in The Rundown by using the story of the Tooth Fairy is hilarious. So, The Rundown is a fun, light adventure movie that’s not nearly as bad as it could’ve been. It also truly announces the arrival of The Rock as the future’s big action star. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger thinks so...he has a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo at the beginning.

-Finally, it’s the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This movie should have been better than it was. In fact, there is a good amount to like about the movie. The look of it is very cool. It manages to be dark and creepy while still being bright and shiny. That sounds ridiculous, but it has to be seen to understand what I mean. The atmosphere is suitably creepy, filled with dusty, dark, dank, junky places. The hillbillies of the movie are well cast, especially R. Lee Ermey (of Full Metal Jacket fame). The teens are okay here as well, with Jessica Biel and the guy who plays Eddie on The O.C. as the only people I actually recognized. So, what’s the problem? I think the movie takes itself a little too seriously. The filmmakers try so hard to make you disturbed by the gore and atmosphere, that the opposite happens. There are two examples that show this. The first is a shot that happens early in the film. A girl that the teens pick up on the road kills herself in the van by shooting herself in the head. In one shot after she does, the camera actually zooms out through the wound, going through the girl’s head. The director was trying to be creative while grossing out the audience...except that the exact same shot happens towards the end of Bad Boys II. Will Smith’s character shoots a guy in the head and the camera goes through the guy’s head as he’s shot. What’s especially funny is that the producer of the TCM remake is Michael Bay who directed Bad Boys II. The other example happens later when Leatherface takes some rock salt and presses it into the remains of the leg of one of the teens. Again, it reeks of an attempt to disturb people instead of actually being disturbing. I laughed at a few scenes in this movie, mainly at the stupidity of the teens (like when one of them runs through a set of clotheslines that have sheets hanging up, which slows him down). I also kind of enjoyed every time Leatherface chased after people. To see a big, fat, ugly person holding a chainsaw and running incredibly fast is a trip. Ultimately, I wasn’t really scared (or even disturbed) by this movie, nor did I laugh at it a whole lot. It’s not very thrilling, and it’s downright boring for the first 30 or so minutes. So, ultimately it ends up being mediocre, just like Brother Bear. Between this remake and the Dawn of The Dead remake (both of which I have not seen the originals), Dawn of The Dead takes the crown.